After each break up, there’s a winner and a loser.

You would think that walking away from the relationship immediately crowns you the winner but this game is not that simple. It’s a game as long as a marathon and as tactical as chess. The rules? There aren’t any. The prize? Pride.

But let’s start with the basics. In any game, whether that be basketball, checkers or love, the person who makes the first move has a clear advantage over their opponent, or in this case their other half.

But don’t get too excited. Leaving first and dropping the mic does not grant you the win.

Moving on to the immediate aftermath of the break up you will quickly realize that leaving is a brave and seemingly inspiring move, but once the reality of what just transpired kicks in, chances are you’ll want to go back. And that’s normal. We are talking about the person you shared your time, space and dreams with. The person you spent vacations and family holidays with, the person that was by your side when your gran died. You’ll miss everything about them.

We are creatures of habit and making a single decision affecting your whole life can only be a frightening move, right? Yes. But if you text, call or make any desperate move for rekindling what you just tore into pieces, you can kiss your advantage goodbye. You are only cool when you drop the mic, but running back to pick it up? Not so cool. Not only have you now lost the lead in the break up game, but you are now trailing by a mile. This is a game hanging from a tightrope. The smallest mistake can prove to be detrimental. Now if you’re the person that was left dumbfounded by the break up, this is your chance to catch up. Avoid any kind of contact with the mic-dropper by all means possible. I am aware that this means fighting off all of your natural instincts but do you want to win the game or not?

Now let’s move on to the post-breakup period. This is the point in time where the break up reality has been established and neither party has made any crucial mistakes leading up to it. This is the point in time when common friends ask how you are holding up, when acquaintances mention your ex’s name and when family members forget you are no longer a unit and invite you both to dinner. Any sort of excessive emotion can prove costly. Smiling too much and acting like you don’t care can give your social circle the ammunition to affect your position in the game. Similarly, going into a rant about your ex asking for opinions on who’s fault it was, will only handicap your chances to win. Stay calm, stay focused and avoid engaging with the matter at all costs. Change the subject as if there was no mention whatsoever.

And now on to the last and most important phase of the game – picking your next. This is essentially where the game is won or lost. Firstly, points are awarded to the person who stays single the longest. If you commit first, you have taken yourself off the market and no matter how great your choice of spouse is, you have shown your cards to the opposition, giving them the chance to plan their move more methodically. But staying single? That gives you options and keeps your market price unspecified.

And surely, timing of your next move is important but don’t be fooled as it’s definitely not as important as the actual move itself. The meat and potatoes of this whole game is:

How can you make sure that your next is better than your ex?

There’s an answer to it but what fun would it be if I just gave it to you?

Now think back to your last break up and ask yourself, are you the winner or the loser?